Running away

     There is something I have noticed about the dating world and people in it, it’s almost like after your on the proverbial market for a while because you’ve been hurt, once someone gets close to you and you feel your wall crumbling down why is it that we push them away? It almost feels like someone is turning up the heat full blast but instead it’s your anxiety level, do you know what I mean it becomes hard to breathe and you can’t think straight. You just want things to settle down; both your friends and your conscience are telling you to just relax he or she is great for you just go with the flow and enjoy, but you can’t instead you find your fear is stronger than your dreams of love. See there is one thing though when you decide to tell that special someone what’s on your mind and how you’re feeling it doesn’t always go the way you planned. If you’re not careful they may think you don’t want to continue the relationship and they say “well if you need space just say the word”, and you think that is what you wanted to hear until you hear it. As soon as you hear those words you get this painful knot in your stomach like you were just punched, then you realize you didn’t really want the space you just wanted to know you had that option. Then you hear yourself thinking “What the hell did I do, I don’t want to lose him/her how can I fix it”? I understand the fear I really do I mean who out there has not experienced this but why do we let it become a pattern, people change their behaviors all the time but for some reason after a broken heart that is the hardest behavior to change why is that? We simply just stop letting people in and we are just so scared of the heartache, but wait is it pain we are afraid of or the trust we don’t want broken again? See when you find someone that makes you feel different than anyone ever has you don’t even notice your guard dropping, then one day you’re looking at him/her and you realize you’ve fallen head over heels and you freak out. You feel your heart racing and your temperature rise’s like your having a hot flash and you say things you shouldn’t, see the thing about that is you can’t take those words back they have been said and the damage is done. Then you feel like your world is coming apart and you ask yourself “why did I do that, what have I done, this person makes me feel like no one ever has, I miss them when they are not here, I just want to hold them close why have I messed things up so horribly”? There is one easy answer for those questions “fear”. You try to explain it differently and pray that the damage hasn’t been done, they may be confused however so are you right?

So my question to you is; do you think it is possible to break the pattern of running away from a possible romance?  I mean he or she could be the one.

Date Night

     When people first start dating they spend a lot of time together, whether it’s going out or staying in its time spent together which is and are you ready for this A DATE. As time goes on the dates become far and few between it’s almost like people feel like it’s no longer necessary, they think that they put their time in and don’t have to try anymore or maybe they just get comfortable. Some people do not understand that a relationship is work no correction it’s the hardest job you will ever have and when things are going well you don’t even realize that its work, that is until a hic-up arises and you have to work to fix it. I have to admit I did have inspiration for this entry I was talking a friend off a ledge of feminine craziness I will call her “Rose” (such a delicate name isn’t it), she could feel things falling apart and she has read my blog so she asked for my advice. The first thing out of my mouth was “do you guys ever have date night”? The first thing she said was “I’m waiting for Friday when I get paid the finances aren’t really there till then”. Then something hit me the fact that people have become so brainwashed by society that they have forgotten true romance comes from your heart and soul not a pay cheque. I suggested getting up just a little earlier to make tea for him make time to talk in the morning kiss him good bye, maybe call through the day and say something sweet then go home and make dinner, eat at the table not on the couch in front of the TV listen to some music maybe watch a movie after. Guess what my friends THAT is considered a date night. I hope she took my advice I mean don’t get me wrong it won’t change things right away it may take time, but see if it never stopped you wouldn’t have to worry about it. I do however realize that some relationships happen so fast that there really isn’t any dating going on and in that case all I can say is it is NEVER too late to show someone you care. I was talking to one of my friends about this topic I needed to know what a guy thought about the whole “date night” thing, and what he thought consisted of a date night. I have decided to call him “Jason” for privacy reasons. I started out by asking “how important is a date night to you in a relationship? What do you consider a date night”? he replied with this “Well. I'm not sure what to consider a date, but I know from my passed relationships we would always go for dinner or mini golf, the movies or just stay in and cuddle watching a movie. So for me doing stuff like that is fun and I never thought of it as a "date". Maybe it is but for me it is important to be able to go out with your special someone”. That answer seems fair enough right but I wasn’t quite happy enough so I asked “Do you think date night is important in a relationship” He came back with “I guess it would depend on the individuals I don't think it'll make or break the relationship. I don't even know what's considered a date I've never really thought about it, as far as its importance I can't support an argument either way. I guess for me it is important. But I don't know why”. See quite a few people don’t understand the importance of dating really they just figure they are hanging out, and then when things get serious those important moments spent together usually dwindle away. This in my eyes is a sad realization. It’s true though it seems less effort is put into the relationships as time goes on. It doesn’t mean we care any less it just means we’ve slipped.

So here’s the question of the day. Are date nights becoming a thing of the past or do you think they are one of the very important keys to a long lasting healthy loving relationship?

TIME FRAMES

     This is a topic I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. We have all been there you know when you’re starting to date a new prospect and one of you say something like “let’s take things slow”. I'm starting to think that no matter what speed you take things whether it’s fast or slow if there is a possibility for feelings to develop they will regardless of the speed you take, you can go slow and play it cool, hang out every now and then but you can’t avoid the inevitable fact that it may end poorly, however; on the other hand he/she may be “the one” but that is the risk you run looking for love, I think that the way a relationship starts is key. See if you start seeing someone new and you sleep with them right away does the relationship grow on a strictly physical basis, and does it make it any less important? See if you wait a bit and get to know each other and find out who they are on a personal level, and hang out you know build an emotional connection first, do you think that the relationship will stand a better chance? Does an emotional connection make for a stronger relationship?

So the question is; do you think it’s a possibility a relationship that starts with sex is taken as seriously as a relationship that is built out of emotion? Maybe we just over think the whole situation you know instead of letting things go and let the chips fall where they may, what do you think?

Responses

I would like to start off by apologizing to everyone for the lack of entries life has been getting in the way. This entry is for some of the questions I have received from Celestine. You seem to have asked the question of the day, its weird really it’s almost like you’re inside my head I ask myself this question every day. I am not sure if there is such a thing as True Love where people just want the same thing at the same time. I think that it may not exist but as human beings we have to BELIEVE that it does that there is True Love out there or really what’s the point right? Its human nature to want to be loved and to give love even if it means getting hurt. The answer to your second question yes there absolutely is a difference between kindred spirits and true love, see kindred spirits are people that are the best of friends they know each other better than anyone, someone you can live your life with and love as a person however; not someone your IN love with. I always wondered if I found a true kindred spirit whether or not I'd be better to stay with that wonderful person for the rest of my life, or try and hope to find True Love. Just because you find a true kindred spirit doesn’t mean you found true love. If you were lucky enough to find that True Love I don’t think there should have to be compromise on big issues, little ones like what to watch on TV or where to go on family vacations but not big issues. See as far as choosing to let go of love it completely depends on the situation I mean some times people are together so young they just seem to grow apart. You may have a point though who am I to say your wrong everyone has opinions and some people do just let go when things get hard.

The question now is; do you think its better so spend your life with a kindred spirit a true friend someone you love as a person or should you keep searching for that TRUE LOVE??? Can a person be truly happy with a best friend but no love that makes you feel like you’ve hit a home run? You know the rush, the leg popping, the butterflies, the shivers you get when they run their fingers down your arm or down the side of your face? Does anyone think it possible to live without that feeling????