Unexpected

     Today’s entry is short and sweet it is pretty much just a couple questions. First one is when your friends with someone for a couple years and you start hanging out more frequently, and it’s so easy to talk to them and then before you know it something clicks. Do you think that it is possible to fall in love with someone that you never thought possible? When it comes to love do you think that it is important to fall in love with someone that eventually becomes your bestfriend, or someone that is already your bestfriend?

Here’s my question to you; If you do end up falling in love with your bestfriend the man/women that knows you better than anyone, the person that you trust with your life how long do you wait to tell them or do you even say anything?

Sweet Beginnings

You know the feeling when you are just starting out with a new person everything is sweet, polite and fresh. Then after a bit you see the real person in very small pieces, it’s almost like they can only handle being fake for so long. Most people do not do it to be malice; they think that by pretending to like what the other person likes is what they actually want. At first it may seem innocent enough like you may say you love to camp and hike stuff like that, when actually your idea of camping is in a cottage with satellite TV and a fire place. When his/her idea of camping is in tents or a trailer with a fire pit and a battery operated radio, the point is once you tell them that and camping season comes you’re in trouble. Sure you could pretend you have plans but can you make an excuse for every weekend he/she asks? Do you see how this scenario is going to play out, if not let me tell you they are going to get hurt and just because you weren’t honest enough to tell them the truth. You were afraid that if you pretended to be yourself they would just keep looking someone else, but did you ever think maybe they were meant for someone else? Let’s not forget about being grumpy, people tend to pretend to be in a good mood all the time, like your always great and nothing is ever wrong. Well let me tell you what that is the biggest crock no one can be happy 100% of the time so if they act like they are, you know it cannot be true. This is only a couple of so very many exaples of how people change as the relationship grows.

So remember be who you are and no one else, if they don’t like it then it wasn't meant to be and you WILL find someone who will love you for who you REALLY are.

Love stories

Are “chick flicks” a good thing for women to watch or not? Please do not get me wrong here I have seen more than my fare share of them, as a matter a fact cheesy chick flicks are some of my favorite movies and every time I watch them they make me just a little sad. I don’t think that is what they are intended to do however; it just reminds single women about what they DON’T have. I believe they are meant to give women hope that true love actually does exist, that one day they might meet someone and go on a date, or maybe it’s someone you just bumped into on the street by accident and end up having coffee with them and you just magically fall in love and you know instantly that they were meant for you. Those movies were probably made for the true romantic at heart, speaking of which is there even any romance left out there or is it a dead culture? They can only give women hope for so long though, because eventually you would have to give up on looking for something that has evaded you for so long; at the same time though maybe it just makes you more determined to find that love. There is also something else you can learn from watching those movies and that is, if you are unable to find love maybe there are some “open” doors which should be “closed”. They aren’t always easy to find though, sometimes they have been opened for so long you forget about them and don’t realize that they are paralyzing you emotionally. Once you find those doors and close them you just might find that it opens you just that little bit, just enough to show some interest in someone who knows maybe it’s someone you have known for a while, he/she might just look different.

So in closing for this entry I just want to say that yes “chick flicks” might be painful sometimes, but they are still every women’s dream of true love they are what keep us going. HOPE.

Sadness

     When your single and have been for quite a awhile you say you’re happy, you say you’ve come to terms with being single, and I think the more you tell yourself that the more likely you are to believe it and I feel like that is truly sad. I wonder though is it possible that the more you tell yourself your happy being alone that it actually makes you a little sadder every day, that it kills just a little bit of hope that you might have to finding that love everyone says is out there waiting for you. For the most part you can fill your life with friends and family and stay busy and put on a happy face however; at some point you have to stop being busy and then you’re alone that’s when the loneliness creeps up, when you get home there is no one to ask how your day went with the girls or how work was. I was told something today from another great friend (I really have so many) that “love will find you when you’re really not looking for it, not when you are just saying you’re not looking for it”.

     The sadness also hits pretty hard for most people when they are laying on the couch watching a movie, or when your feeling sad and just want someone to hold you and sweep the hair out of your face or kiss the tear off your cheek and tell you “Everything will be okay”. As much as you tell yourself you don’t need anyone to complete you to make you happy you’re right you don’t need it, but it helps and it makes life easier; if you can look past the pain enough to let someone in.

The question is; does life feel more complete with someone to hold your hand and walk with you through the trials of life? I think it just might………….. What do you think?

First dates

     Remember the feelings you get on a first date, butterflies, sweaty palms, and tongue tide, not knowing what to wear these are the most common side effects. They are always awkward times I mean going out with someone for the first time that you may have just met, or maybe it’s someone you have been friends with for a while and you guys see each other differently now and decided to go on a date. It’s funny because you use to have so much to say to each other as friends but in the dating scene its different there is almost nothing to say, trying to figure out what to ask that you don’t already know it is definitely a challenge.

     The other huge thing is trying to decide what to do on the first date to make it perfect, you know what I mean like whether to go to a movie (which is a bad idea the whole purpose behind the first date is to get to know each other and you can’t do that in a quiet theater), then dinner, maybe coffee or drinks after that. See my opinion is that the perfect date would depend entirely on the season, like in the winter go and do something fun like ice skating, spring do a picnic maybe go to a sugar bush and have pancakes, summer go camping, or do a late picnic on the beach or at a park and watch the sunset, and finally fall go for a hike and look at all the trees see if you can find some deer or any animals for that matter. There is two amazing things about the first date the first one is getting to know them, laughing at their terrible jokes, making conversation, the second best part of the first date providing everything went well is the first kiss, whether it’s on the cheek or the lips either way when their lips touch your skin and you get that feeling in your stomach all I can say is DON’T RUN it’s amazing and make a definitly make a second date. I do have a question though is it true that there is a 3 day rule after a first date that you can’t call them? If so people listen to me that is a ridiculous rule if you like someone call them don’t wait, because if you do they are going to think you are not interested and write you off I know I would.

My point is the first date is very important follow your heart and your gut and most importantly have fun and be yourself if they don't like you for who you are then they do not deserve the second date!!!

Jealousy what’s the point?

     “I’m going out with Will for a coffee I will be back after” she says; that sentence is commonly followed by a look of anger and sometimes a comment like “I don’t think so” or “who’s Will” in a snide voice. Maybe someone can explain to me the reason behind jealous partners; I mean it’s your own insecurities that make you this way I understand that. You’re the one with the trust issues and I mean sure you very well may have valid reasons, maybe you’ve been cheated on or maybe you’ve been lied to, but that is no excuse to treat someone that you say you care for like that they had nothing to do with your past relationships, unless you’re going back to the same person that hurt you in the first place you have no right. However that being said if you’re the one going back to the same person that hurt you then there may be a few questions you should be asking yourself like, how can you be with someone that broke your trust, that hurt you and better yet How can you be with someone that treats you like that?? That would mean you have your own insecurities that you need to work on. That however is another entry all together. Sometimes jealousy isn’t only stemmed from past a relationship sometimes it comes from your home life, maybe your mother/father was like that and that is how you think a relationship should be. Well here’s a revelation for you IT’S NOT!!!

     If your dating and you are a jealous person you need to look at yourself and ask “why am I this way” all it is doing is hurting the people around you and you may very well destroy your shot with a great person, maybe you need time to work on yourself and figure things out before you involve other people in your web of insecurities. So if you’re a jealous person maybe you shouldn’t be dating anyone, maybe you should work on yourself.
If your with someone that is jealous and is constantly keeping you away from your friends and family they are not worth it.

     REMEMBER YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND DESERVE BETTER!!! SAY IT WITH ME I LOVE MYSELF……. I LOVE MYSELF…….I LOVE MYSELF.... I AM WORTH MORE THAN THIS.... I LOVE MYSELF!!!!!!!

Perfect for now

     Today’s entry is inspired by one of the last comments I made at the end of yesterdays entry referring to; after we find the perfect man/women we don’t want them, we look so long and hard and we date some real winners and kiss some real frogs that remain frogs just to find the perfect match. Then we find one that we think is perfect but just a few months down the road they turn out to be the wrong one, but he/she WAS perfect so does that mean we tend to pick men/women that are perfect for now? Did they have exactly what you needed at that point in your life? I’ve been told you come away with something from every single person you meet, whether it’s a negative or a positive experience you never walk away without something. They also say that it is a learning experience that is necessary for your personal growth to meet the wrong people that heart ache is good for you and that it makes you a stronger person.

     What if we meet the wrong person and before we know it we fall in love with them knowing it’s wrong, do you think that is half the attraction to date someone outside our initial ideals to see if it will work?

     Do we date so many wrong people that for some of us when we do find the “right” man/women and we don’t feel anything should we be surprised, I mean come on this is the person we’ve been waiting for and they are in our grasp and what do we feel... nothing.

So here’s my question to you why do you think that when we find a person with all our “requirements” we feel nothing?

ATTRACTION

     Everyone has a different idea what they think is “attractive” in a person. Everybody you ask will have a variety of different answers, from appearance to attitude. This was a hard topic to write about I wanted both a man’s and a women’s point of view of what attracted them to people, and let me tell you the women’s opinion was so much easier to get than the man’s. I asked “Kira” who is a great friend of mine and this is what she said “Just as there are many types of love there are many types of attraction. I think we all have a physical type that we find attractive. I love tall and dark with deep blue eyes you can get lost in. I think however, that real attraction is based in chemistry felt between two people. Someone can go completely against your physical type but if there is chemistry between you it can surpass a simply physical attraction. When you truly connect with someone an initial impression of attractiveness can change in the way we see that person. If you find them funny their smile can be brighter then you initially seen, if they are a good kisser their lips get better to the eye, if you feel a person truly sees you and appreciates what they see their eyes are the most beautiful thing about them”. I think this is the perfect answer and very true I asked a couple of my good guy friends to get a man’s view point and all I got really were descriptive answers to what they looked like physically, although one guy friend let’s call him “Mr. Timmins”, he had a few good points in what he said “looks are important but attitude is more important, I like someone who can talk, honesty is most important, this is the hardest question there is to ask”. He is right this is definitely a question that everyone struggles with.

     My answer to this question has always been the same basic, generic reply you’d expect, “honest, funny, sweet, attentive, someone big to make me feel safe”. The funny thing is once you find your ideal match and they are exactly what you have been looking for, you don’t want it anymore.

So my question to you is why do you think that is?

Getting to know you deal breakers

     There are a lot of different kinds of deal breakers it all depends on the person, like for some if you can’t kiss….forget it and others say if you don’t have a job…. not a chance. If a guy walks up to a girl or visa versa and uses a cheesy pick up line like “are you from Tennessee cause you’re the only ten I see” you might as well just keep walking. That is only a few of the things that can go wrong within the first five minutes of meeting someone. So do everybody a favour and the next time you see someone you would like to talk to, make sure there is no snot on your nose, use the manners that your parents taught you, and maybe just maybe you might get a real number.

     However with all these very important tips the best piece of information I can give you is BE YOURSELF!!!!

Can We Be Just Friends???

Does this title sound like something you have ever said or heard? If so then you’re not alone this is a very popular question usually asked in one of these two scenarios. In the first one I will use the names “Jenny and Bill” they are a couple that have been together for a couple years and unfortunately they break up, Jenny doesn’t want to be with Bill anymore she just feels they have grown apart, she still loves him as a person and asks him “can we still  friends”? At the moment Bill just wants to be part of her life so he says “sure” and they talk on the phone, hang out with other friends and things seem to be going great. Then one night Bill has a little too much to drink and starts talking to a good friend of his about what’s bugging him, “I can’t do this anymore man, I cannot just be friends with Jenny I am in love with her and I can’t pretend that I’m not” so gradually they stop talking, and stop hanging out and then it’s over. See when you break up like that and remain friends is it possible to get over the hurt and mend your broken heart with the person that broke it so close? Is the distance a good thing?

The second scenario is also something that happens more often than not, and that is when a friend falls in love with another friend. That is something that you never plan it just happens and when it does happen you have to ask yourself this question “can we still be friends”? It is a hard situation because they are your friends and you just want to see them happy, but can’t see them with their girlfriends/boyfriends, or hitting on other people. Also you’re afraid to tell your friend about the feelings you’re having because you don’t want to take the chance on ruining your friendship so you compartmentalize it and say “I’d rather have them as friends than not have them at all". At the same time telling your friend how you feel and what’s going on is also a good thing I mean you never know what can happen. 

     See I don't understand why some people find it so surprising that you could fall in love with a friend, you spend so much time with that person and you know all their secrets, who knows you better than your friends? 

So here’s my question to you; Is it really possible to continue being friends with a friend that you are in love with, or is in love with you????

Sacrifice or compromise???

     Today I am going to write about sacrifice…how much is too much??? Everyone in general has dreams and ideals for what they want their future to hold and like everything else as life goes on and changes so do your ideals, whether it’s because of work or kids it happens and sometimes you don’t even notice the change till something comes up. I was once told something by a very wise man who I will call “Pops” and I will quote him “sacrifice is worth it if you love your partner”. See the only thing I do not understand is why should sacrifice have to come with love? There are so many different scenarios that can happen I am going to name the two most common.  First is work maybe one of you get a great job opportunity in another city and it requires moving, one of you will have to give something up whether it’s the great job or you’re the one that loses a job either way there is a sacrifice. The other most common one is kids, sure at the beginning you both wanted kids, but like I said earlier life gets in the way sometimes and one of you have to give up on having children. Now a really great friend of mine said something to me last night on this subject that impacted me so much that I deleted all 1000 words that I had already typed out and I started all over again. We will call him “Mr. Optimistic”; it made me rethink my entire outlook on the subject. It was only one little sentence; “sacrifice could be something big like leaving a job and moving with them or as small as watching their favorite TV show, sacrifice could also be called compromise”. When I read that word compromise I realized that sacrifice isn’t a part of love compromise is. So while you may be upset at the time you have to ask yourself… would you do it for your partner? If the answer is “no” then there is a much bigger question that you need to be asking yourself?


     Now a day’s marriages don’t last very long the economy has made it way to easy to run away from your problems but that’s a whole different entry. The point is once you made the compromise and then something happens and you end up divorced, you will have lost the opportunity with your dream job, or your old job; maybe you didn’t get the kid(s) you wanted either way you’ve lost out and that is a sacrifice. Now that you’re not with that partner anymore for whatever reason that may be you have to deal with it, but how? Do you just simply compartmentalize the whole thing, put it in a box and bury it deep down, try to forget about it? Maybe we are just supposed to build a bridge and get over it.  I don't know but there is a saying and I do believe the saying goes “forgive and forget” well for most the forgiving can be done they just remind themselves they did it for love, but how can you forget?

So my question to you is; how do you justify giving someone that loves you your world, when there is a chance it might come crashing down and your only left with the sacrifices?

Hurting Possibilities

This entry is for any one that has never really had a chance to get into the dating scene because they have always been in a long term relationship. Most people date for a bit and get hurt and jump right back on the saddle and keep going, don’t get me wrong the pain still hurts but it’s different. When you are in a long term relationship with someone and I’m talking a year or longer there is generally a lot more invested emotionally, it’s almost like the two of you stop functioning as two separate people and start working as one. So when that connection ends I’m not going to say the pain is any worse but it’s definitely different and anyone that’s had it happen to them knows what I mean. The thing about once your heart has been broken so badly by the person you love whether it was once or multiple times it makes some people a little timid, afraid to put themselves back out on the market emotionally. A lot of people have walls up after a heart break and the more it happens to them the thicker their wall gets, it acts like a security system and for some once the bells start going off they just run in the other direction, not because they don’t want the feeling of being loved or because they don’t want to give the love they have, it’s because they are just so terrified of the possibility of being hurt again. Then you get some people that just swallow the pain and think it’s forgotten about, until someone else comes along and reminds them all over again.

We can’t forget about the huge issue of trust, see when your boyfriend/girlfriend decided it’s over they are not only breaking your heart but also… your trust. You trusted them with your heart and they broke it, so it has to make you wonder when your healing from a broken heart are you also healing from a breach of trust? That makes me wonder which one takes longer to heal from, is it your heart or your trust?

So here's my question to you; do you remember when your parents use to say things like the world is full of possibilities you can do anything with it, well do you think that having your heart broken multiple times and your trust broken each time do you think that possibility might be closed to you?

Carrie and Aidan the perfect pair

I had something written out for today’s entry however, I have decided to tell an insperational story for you all instead. I was talking to really good friends of mine a couple that I have known for well over 10 years and I realized something, her and her husband are some of the rare ones that found that special someone, and I asked her if she wanted to say something about it in my blog but she thought it was boring although I do believe she used the word “snoozeville” hahahaha.


To keep their privacy I have decided to use aliases for them, “Carrie and Aidan” are the names I’ve chosen. Their story begins when Carrie was only 15 and Aidan 17 they were just high school students, Aidan had a crush on Carrie for a whole year before he got up the courage to talk to her in the office. Then they didn’t see each other again till that summer when Carrie and Aidan started dating. When I asked Carrie why she decided to start dating Aidan, like what was special about Aidan, I had to laugh when she came back with “it was because he drove a mustang and wore his hat backwards and oh yeah he was hot” hahahaha. Within the first few weeks they knew that this was it that they were meant for each other, and four months later Aidan bought her a promise ring for christmas and the rest is history. Carrie and Aidan were married in August of 2000 and it was the prettiest wedding I’ve ever attended. I remember the hydro went out so they lit candles and had the ceremony by candle light it was the most romantic, perfect, way to profess their love for eachother in front of their friends and family.  This summer they will be celebrating their 10 year wedding anniversary and they have a beautiful house, gorgeous children, and I think they have it figured it out and i think they really are the perfect pair.

I decided to post this enlightening story this morning because it is something that everyone is looking for, and if it can happen for them why not you????

So I guess the question is can everyone be as lucky as Carrie and Aidan????

Well this is the beginning of what I can only hope to be a successful blog, I'm not a professional writer but I have an awful lot to say.  So lets begin shall we????? 

LOVE : What is the point??? Why do we purposefully put ourselves out there looking for someone that will hopefully fall in love with us one day when we are running the risk of getting hurt?? Sure you may be one of the lucky ones that finds that “special someone” right off the bat, but not everyone is that lucky.

The first experience of falling in love and feeling that high you get usually starts in your teenage years you know what I mean, that mind blowing, life altering, leg popping feeling you get in the pit of your stomach; the way you feel when the phone rings and it might be him/her, the butterflys you get just before he/she kisses you for the first time, which you think is just a phase but carries on to EVERY TIME.  It's a high like no other, it can only be described as blissfull, that is a feeling you will NEVER forget.

See the thought of finding love is great and makes you smile, but then there is the hurt that will almost always follow.  I don't think it always followes but normally it will, and that pain sometimes is the worst feeling a person will ever experience.  I don't know if it's the thought of someone telling you they love you so very much and your their favorite person one day and the next BAM they don't love you anymore.  They break your heart and it's over just like that they fall out of love with you and walk away with you still loving them.

So I ask you:   Is is possible to truly get over someone you once loved, can you ever really stop loving someone enough to truly love again?