Dating with children

     See this is a very touchy topic and there are a lot of different ways I could approach this. See when you’re a single parent it is very difficult to know when it’s the right time to begin dating again, you think to yourself just because you feel ready doesn’t mean your kid(s) are. It is only instinct to want to do what is best for our child(ren) over our selves, but who pays for that decision better yet is it a decision your making for yourself or a sacrifice you make for your child(ren)? Then if you do decide to start dating there is so many more questions you have to ask yourselves about the person you’re interested in, are they good with kids, will they accept them better yet will their families accept them, are they responsible enough to be around my kid(s)? It’s a completely different dating world out there when you have children, see when you first get the feeling that you’re ready to start dating again some of you might ask yourself “who wants to be with a single parent, who wants that baggage”? I know baggage isn’t a pretty way of putting it but if you think about it that is exactly what it is to some people out there, and if they look at it that way then they are not the right one for you. They have to understand that to you your children are your life they are the reason you go on day to day wanting to be a better person and provide a better life. Then there is the question do you only date other people with children because you think they will better understand where you’re coming from however; on the other hand is it possible that in today’s day and age is it possible that there are people out there that do not have kid(s) that are just as compatible as those with kid(s)? Do you think if you date someone with children that they will be in their parenting pattern and that they might try to push that on the way you raise your child(ren)? These are all questions that come up when a single parent starts dating.

     See there are a few different ways you can start dating you can either keep it a secret and wait and see how things go, or you can introduce them to your child(ren) and see how they react to him/her; for example if they have kids maybe a play date at a popular place kids love that would be a good way to introduce a possible relationship. If your dating someone without a child then taking them somewhere like a children’s museum or the zoo would be a great way to see how they interact with kids. See the only thing with the whole waiting game thing is we never know how long things will last, you can hope and think things are going to last forever but that’s not always the case and 1 year or even 15 years down the road the next thing you know BAM it’s over nothing is guaranteed. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying to introduce them on the first or second date but sooner than later and not as your bf or gf just say this is mommy or daddy’s friend so and so, they won’t know any better and you will have been able to gage your kid’s reaction to them. Children are great judges of character kind of like animals although if your child(ren) is shy by nature this may not work for you. There is also the fear of well what if it doesn’t work out and then my child(ren) is going to be disappointed and hurt, this is a valid fear or at least it should be but like I said earlier nothing is guaranteed and no one knows the future. Those are circumstances a child will deal with on more than one occasion with people coming and going out of their lives not just when you’re dating. Children are very adaptable and are very intelligent at young ages whether we realize it or not, they know when you’re not happy just like they know when you are and trust me on this a happy parent makes a happy child I believe this statement firmly. I could go on and on about this topic but I think I made my point with what I’ve said.

I would really like to hear what all of you have to say about this topic, it is a very broad topic and I may have missed something so please share.

Running away

     There is something I have noticed about the dating world and people in it, it’s almost like after your on the proverbial market for a while because you’ve been hurt, once someone gets close to you and you feel your wall crumbling down why is it that we push them away? It almost feels like someone is turning up the heat full blast but instead it’s your anxiety level, do you know what I mean it becomes hard to breathe and you can’t think straight. You just want things to settle down; both your friends and your conscience are telling you to just relax he or she is great for you just go with the flow and enjoy, but you can’t instead you find your fear is stronger than your dreams of love. See there is one thing though when you decide to tell that special someone what’s on your mind and how you’re feeling it doesn’t always go the way you planned. If you’re not careful they may think you don’t want to continue the relationship and they say “well if you need space just say the word”, and you think that is what you wanted to hear until you hear it. As soon as you hear those words you get this painful knot in your stomach like you were just punched, then you realize you didn’t really want the space you just wanted to know you had that option. Then you hear yourself thinking “What the hell did I do, I don’t want to lose him/her how can I fix it”? I understand the fear I really do I mean who out there has not experienced this but why do we let it become a pattern, people change their behaviors all the time but for some reason after a broken heart that is the hardest behavior to change why is that? We simply just stop letting people in and we are just so scared of the heartache, but wait is it pain we are afraid of or the trust we don’t want broken again? See when you find someone that makes you feel different than anyone ever has you don’t even notice your guard dropping, then one day you’re looking at him/her and you realize you’ve fallen head over heels and you freak out. You feel your heart racing and your temperature rise’s like your having a hot flash and you say things you shouldn’t, see the thing about that is you can’t take those words back they have been said and the damage is done. Then you feel like your world is coming apart and you ask yourself “why did I do that, what have I done, this person makes me feel like no one ever has, I miss them when they are not here, I just want to hold them close why have I messed things up so horribly”? There is one easy answer for those questions “fear”. You try to explain it differently and pray that the damage hasn’t been done, they may be confused however so are you right?

So my question to you is; do you think it is possible to break the pattern of running away from a possible romance?  I mean he or she could be the one.

Date Night

     When people first start dating they spend a lot of time together, whether it’s going out or staying in its time spent together which is and are you ready for this A DATE. As time goes on the dates become far and few between it’s almost like people feel like it’s no longer necessary, they think that they put their time in and don’t have to try anymore or maybe they just get comfortable. Some people do not understand that a relationship is work no correction it’s the hardest job you will ever have and when things are going well you don’t even realize that its work, that is until a hic-up arises and you have to work to fix it. I have to admit I did have inspiration for this entry I was talking a friend off a ledge of feminine craziness I will call her “Rose” (such a delicate name isn’t it), she could feel things falling apart and she has read my blog so she asked for my advice. The first thing out of my mouth was “do you guys ever have date night”? The first thing she said was “I’m waiting for Friday when I get paid the finances aren’t really there till then”. Then something hit me the fact that people have become so brainwashed by society that they have forgotten true romance comes from your heart and soul not a pay cheque. I suggested getting up just a little earlier to make tea for him make time to talk in the morning kiss him good bye, maybe call through the day and say something sweet then go home and make dinner, eat at the table not on the couch in front of the TV listen to some music maybe watch a movie after. Guess what my friends THAT is considered a date night. I hope she took my advice I mean don’t get me wrong it won’t change things right away it may take time, but see if it never stopped you wouldn’t have to worry about it. I do however realize that some relationships happen so fast that there really isn’t any dating going on and in that case all I can say is it is NEVER too late to show someone you care. I was talking to one of my friends about this topic I needed to know what a guy thought about the whole “date night” thing, and what he thought consisted of a date night. I have decided to call him “Jason” for privacy reasons. I started out by asking “how important is a date night to you in a relationship? What do you consider a date night”? he replied with this “Well. I'm not sure what to consider a date, but I know from my passed relationships we would always go for dinner or mini golf, the movies or just stay in and cuddle watching a movie. So for me doing stuff like that is fun and I never thought of it as a "date". Maybe it is but for me it is important to be able to go out with your special someone”. That answer seems fair enough right but I wasn’t quite happy enough so I asked “Do you think date night is important in a relationship” He came back with “I guess it would depend on the individuals I don't think it'll make or break the relationship. I don't even know what's considered a date I've never really thought about it, as far as its importance I can't support an argument either way. I guess for me it is important. But I don't know why”. See quite a few people don’t understand the importance of dating really they just figure they are hanging out, and then when things get serious those important moments spent together usually dwindle away. This in my eyes is a sad realization. It’s true though it seems less effort is put into the relationships as time goes on. It doesn’t mean we care any less it just means we’ve slipped.

So here’s the question of the day. Are date nights becoming a thing of the past or do you think they are one of the very important keys to a long lasting healthy loving relationship?

TIME FRAMES

     This is a topic I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. We have all been there you know when you’re starting to date a new prospect and one of you say something like “let’s take things slow”. I'm starting to think that no matter what speed you take things whether it’s fast or slow if there is a possibility for feelings to develop they will regardless of the speed you take, you can go slow and play it cool, hang out every now and then but you can’t avoid the inevitable fact that it may end poorly, however; on the other hand he/she may be “the one” but that is the risk you run looking for love, I think that the way a relationship starts is key. See if you start seeing someone new and you sleep with them right away does the relationship grow on a strictly physical basis, and does it make it any less important? See if you wait a bit and get to know each other and find out who they are on a personal level, and hang out you know build an emotional connection first, do you think that the relationship will stand a better chance? Does an emotional connection make for a stronger relationship?

So the question is; do you think it’s a possibility a relationship that starts with sex is taken as seriously as a relationship that is built out of emotion? Maybe we just over think the whole situation you know instead of letting things go and let the chips fall where they may, what do you think?

Responses

I would like to start off by apologizing to everyone for the lack of entries life has been getting in the way. This entry is for some of the questions I have received from Celestine. You seem to have asked the question of the day, its weird really it’s almost like you’re inside my head I ask myself this question every day. I am not sure if there is such a thing as True Love where people just want the same thing at the same time. I think that it may not exist but as human beings we have to BELIEVE that it does that there is True Love out there or really what’s the point right? Its human nature to want to be loved and to give love even if it means getting hurt. The answer to your second question yes there absolutely is a difference between kindred spirits and true love, see kindred spirits are people that are the best of friends they know each other better than anyone, someone you can live your life with and love as a person however; not someone your IN love with. I always wondered if I found a true kindred spirit whether or not I'd be better to stay with that wonderful person for the rest of my life, or try and hope to find True Love. Just because you find a true kindred spirit doesn’t mean you found true love. If you were lucky enough to find that True Love I don’t think there should have to be compromise on big issues, little ones like what to watch on TV or where to go on family vacations but not big issues. See as far as choosing to let go of love it completely depends on the situation I mean some times people are together so young they just seem to grow apart. You may have a point though who am I to say your wrong everyone has opinions and some people do just let go when things get hard.

The question now is; do you think its better so spend your life with a kindred spirit a true friend someone you love as a person or should you keep searching for that TRUE LOVE??? Can a person be truly happy with a best friend but no love that makes you feel like you’ve hit a home run? You know the rush, the leg popping, the butterflies, the shivers you get when they run their fingers down your arm or down the side of your face? Does anyone think it possible to live without that feeling????

Unexpected

     Today’s entry is short and sweet it is pretty much just a couple questions. First one is when your friends with someone for a couple years and you start hanging out more frequently, and it’s so easy to talk to them and then before you know it something clicks. Do you think that it is possible to fall in love with someone that you never thought possible? When it comes to love do you think that it is important to fall in love with someone that eventually becomes your bestfriend, or someone that is already your bestfriend?

Here’s my question to you; If you do end up falling in love with your bestfriend the man/women that knows you better than anyone, the person that you trust with your life how long do you wait to tell them or do you even say anything?

Sweet Beginnings

You know the feeling when you are just starting out with a new person everything is sweet, polite and fresh. Then after a bit you see the real person in very small pieces, it’s almost like they can only handle being fake for so long. Most people do not do it to be malice; they think that by pretending to like what the other person likes is what they actually want. At first it may seem innocent enough like you may say you love to camp and hike stuff like that, when actually your idea of camping is in a cottage with satellite TV and a fire place. When his/her idea of camping is in tents or a trailer with a fire pit and a battery operated radio, the point is once you tell them that and camping season comes you’re in trouble. Sure you could pretend you have plans but can you make an excuse for every weekend he/she asks? Do you see how this scenario is going to play out, if not let me tell you they are going to get hurt and just because you weren’t honest enough to tell them the truth. You were afraid that if you pretended to be yourself they would just keep looking someone else, but did you ever think maybe they were meant for someone else? Let’s not forget about being grumpy, people tend to pretend to be in a good mood all the time, like your always great and nothing is ever wrong. Well let me tell you what that is the biggest crock no one can be happy 100% of the time so if they act like they are, you know it cannot be true. This is only a couple of so very many exaples of how people change as the relationship grows.

So remember be who you are and no one else, if they don’t like it then it wasn't meant to be and you WILL find someone who will love you for who you REALLY are.